Silly season isn’t just the time leading up to a political election. It’s also the few months leading up to a new iPhone. This year Apple is expected to introduce three models; iPhone 7s, iPhone 7s Plus, and a 10th anniversary model, expected to be named iPhone 8 (or, iPhone Pro, which makes more sense).
Nearly every rumor I’ve read about the new iPhone has a corresponding list of contrarian views or options, so I thought I would add to the list by divulging the most ridiculous iPhone 8 rumors you haven’t read yet (and for good reason).
Brown Color – Why not? Brown was the clear differentiator with Microsoft’s Zune. A brown iPhone with an edge-to-edge micro-bezel display means you won’t see much of the $#!% color anyway. If not brown, copper. Real copper, not glass, so the case color changes over time.
Microwave Charging – Wireless charging of the ultimate kind. No, not induction charging like Samsung Galaxy models or Watch, but true wireless charging without any wires. Just pop it into the microwave and physics takes care of the rest. And AppleCare.
Triple Cameras – When two just won’t do, and you really need a zoom, the third camera on the iPhone’s backside provides a true blue zoom with auto focus.
Face Recognition – And not just the vanilla kind, but the kind that doesn’t even let you power on the new iPhone unless you are who you say you are.
Celebrity Siri – Waze for iPhone has an interesting take on turn-by-turn directions. Use your own voice. Imagine a new iPhone that replaces Siri with a list of celebrity voices. Instead of ‘Hey Siri…‘ we could have ‘Hey Donald.’
iOS 11 S – Microsoft introduced Window 10 S, a somewhat crippled but more secure version of Windows with access to only those apps on the Windows app store. How about an iPhone with an iOS version that does not allow any additional apps to be installed at all. Pay $50 to block the feature.
Toe Sensor – Nothing says security like using your pinkie to unlock an iPhone. Fingers are so passé, though. How about an option to unlock the iPhone with a toe? Look what that would do for security.
4K 3D Display – Free 3D glasses with every iPhone 8 featuring the new 4k 3D Retina display.
Bio-SIM Card – Instead of using a SIM card tied to a carrier, Apple will insert the SIM card under your skin for proper identification for carrier and iPhone. iPhone thefts will be a thing of the past. Your dog has an embedded chip. Why not you?
No Waiting – Every year there is a waiting period before new iPhone models ramp up to meet demand. This year, Apple will have 100-million iPhone 8 models on hand and ready to be picked up at the nearest Apple Store. No waiting. No lines. No pre-orders.
$1,500 Price – Who would want an iterative iPhone 7s or iPhone 7s Plus when the iPhone 8 has a bigger and better screen, better camera, longer battery life, and only costs $100 more?
Hey, some of those ideas make good sense.